Iva’s WTF site - Squirrelism.net

It’s the death metal dog, people. O_O

This amuses me. I don’t know if it’s the dog and how possessed it looks like or its actual “singing”. Probably both.

I have just come accross a rather odd article about an Italian model auctioning her virginity. Even though she was on Italian version of Big Brother (and they apparently got her nude on one of the hidden cams, which is clearly not a surprise) and she posed for a number of men’s magazines. Ms. Raffaella Fico wants acting lessons and a flat in Rome and she decided to get rid of something else, for the greater aim.

I just googled her to see what kind of a person was about to sell her hymen to god knows whom; though I obviously believe that this is a major media hoax. And what did I see? The usual thing. Heavily-airbrushed photos, breasts that exist only if there’s underwire and padding (or more airbrush), bottom exists only when…well, you got the idea. And her face does not even look like a face of a 20 year old, she looks some 20 years older. As for moral? Well, certainly, I do not know what to think….but all of the above stuff is a bit too pr0n-y for me.

I always believed that physical virginity is heavily overrated as the most of people get the common dirty thoughts by the time they’re 13 or so. I know a person who’s a 35-year-old male and still a virgin and I think it’s just a formal thing. I know a female who lost her virginity at 34 and one could never tell she was a virgin from how she behaved, her body art and her clothing. One of my most lovable and wonderful friends lost her virginity at 27 or 28 and always corrects people that she didn’t lose it, as she knows where it is. And I like that view. Like, all three of those people aren’t saints, regardless of the first time they had a proper sexual intercourse. The physical virginity or lack of it shouldn’t be making people different amongst themselves, its loss doesn’t make person a grown-up and one cannot simply say I slept with someone, now I’m an adult. No, you’re not. Being an adult is a combination of many factors.

And, ms. Fico is apparently not an adult if she’s doing something like this. She’ll be one more light year away from maturity if she ends up doing what she is intending to do.

Oh, by the way, I absolutely love it how the staff British MSN portal cannot spell Raffaella correctly. Perhaps someone will end up naming their child “Raffella” now. And it shall be MSN’s fault.

I’ve been crying all afternoon listening to what has happened in Georgia [country, NOT the USA state] and thinking of what might happen in Ukraine. And now it could affect a friend of mine who lives in Kyiv and who’s one of the smartest and coolest people I know. And the rest of the less-privilleged world. And Serbia. And Beograd. And my family. And me as a person.

This is what it is like. This is what will never, ever change. And sometimes, I wonder if we should be all proud of it.

Mom is making instant frappe. I believe I need it.

The only answer I could come up after nearly 20 hours of self-hate caused sleep is to be wrong.

I cannot remember one single time something was going right for a longer time.
I cannot remember one single time I did not think that someone else, anyone else, has a life better than mine.
I cannot remember one single time I made a mistake that didn’t result in even more self-deprecating actions.
I cannot remember one single time I managed to catch a raindrop on my hand and make sure it does not dry out.
I cannot remember one single good person I did not turn into a monster because of how I underappreciated them or how I thought they were underappreciating me.

And that is why, though I’m only at 1/3 of it or so, I’m pretty sure I wasted my life away. I never considered anything to be fun, I always wanted to follow rules to the point where it was getting sick, I never wanted to understand anyone (because I was not allowed to have pet peeves, I was not allowed to talk back and I was not allowed to be allowed anything), I never wanted to say that I don’t like something…because the only time I dared to do say something like that out loud, I literally got an angry mob on my back. And then I started being even more obsessive about rules, about punishing myself for every single thing I do wrong and it took two years to realise the truth: I became an egoist. The worst, miserable, sickening form of a self-pittying egoist.

If I could afford that, given what my web presence means to my existence, I would get away from the internet this very moment and come back in 2009. And try to make up the bad thing I’d done this week.

Nothing, nothing in this world could make up for loss of a friendship

…and I lost four of them in 2008. This last one was not meant to be lost. All of the sudden, I do not regret any of the other three, that I used to cry over for a couple of months and beg people in question to come back, not knowing that it was them who was wrong and not me. And now, being on the other side, on the side of the one who’s wrong and decided to walk away instead of doing more damage, I finally know how things work. I’m ashamed to even show my face around here, or anywhere else, for that matter.

I like Pink’s music. If I do not listen to lyrics, it can be just what the doctor ordered on a sad rainy day, when I need to raise my blood pressure and when I need to vent after a hard day. But WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS MUSIC VIDEO?

I have no problems with the usual popstar bullshit related to nudity, stupid haircuts…but why on Earth would anyone write a music video script with a brutal murder of a poor tree? How can they sacrifice a tree for the sake of a music video? That’s sick. I am surprised that no organisation reacted to this.