Squirrelism.net

Can this month really be THIS good?

This May, it’s time to revisit a dream, ideal or vision, as Neptune turns retrograde in Aquarius on the 24th, ushering in a period that will last until October 31! If you’ve still got spring fever, be forewarned: When Neptune turns retrograde, logic goes out the window and we are all much more inclined to listen to our hearts and throw caution — and common sense — to the wind. The retrograde bodes well for the artistically inclined, though, and promises to do wonders for those without daily creative outlets. Indeed, expect your dreams to become more vivid as your desire to create increases.

This May is particularly special because there will be two full Moons instead of one — an event that occurs approximately every 2.7 years! That means that this month is ideal for doing things you’d only dare to do ‘once in a blue Moon,’ which is what the second full Moon is called. All full Moons signal periods of heightened emotion and mark a culmination of plans set in motion during the previous new Moon. With the Moon in Sagittarius aligning with Jupiter, you may find yourself feeling wildly enthusiastic, as if nothing can stop you. Go for it!

This is for Sofija, she wanted me to update…and I am guessing she’s not aware that I have made another blog for Serbian/Croatian/Bosnian-speakers, it’s over there. Also, RHCP Serbia, run by Ivan, Jovana and I is finally up, for now just the forum, but we’ll get the rest up when we can.

First, one of my best friends and one of the most important people in my life sent me an angry mail yesterday afternoon. I wrote a long reply to explain who was screwing around with me, she replied back today, but I don’t dare to read it. I put the message in the read later folder. I am not mentally able to see what she will say. All I know is that, whatever I do, I need her in my life because she’s like family to me. God, this sucks. And I know that she knows I have no nerves but…still… I lost her once already. My heart and mind wouldn’t survive that.

I had a website crash which I managed to solve but it ended up with taking tranquilizers and my hands were shaking. I thought someone hacked me, I alarmed the hosting provider support and it turned out a database table just b0rked itself and needed to be repaired. I was so paranoid. I almost thought years of hard work blew up…so, I needed a walk…and more Pepsi…

…and then when I came back home with Pepsi, snacks and dad’s cigarettes, my wallet didn’t come home with me somehow, so I lost my ID, my health care ID, public transportation ID with the monthly ticket, bookstore three-year discount card, Elle shopping card and two debit cards, one youth Visa and one Maestro. There was also a tiny birthday card from a friend, a couple of paper calendars and proverbs we get with popcorn. And some money, about 20 Euros in dinars, but that’s the least important thing. Luckily, I blocked both cards and nobody knows my PINs anyway…but god…I don’t have documents.

If my life continues like this, I’ll die from a heart attack at 30. There’s been too much stress recently, everywhere. And in the end, come se tutto quello non bastasse, my camera is completely broke, I can’t even turn it on because it starts pulling its lense in and out as if it was epileptic. I wanted to take it to the service, but with my schedule these days, that turned out to be pretty impossible.

Recently, I’ve been on DeviantArt more than ever before and I’ve been neglecting the most of the online communities I’m visiting apart from the local Lush forum I’m the administrator of. Why? Work, work, work; followed by social life, social life, social life; ending with sleep, sleep, sleep.

Partly, I blame all this on the fears and traumas I’ve been through in 2005. and the most of 2006. Partly, I blame it on having been completely smitten and gaga for the past two months.

Shakira knows how to describe it properly. So, I’ll let her finish this entry for me…

Ojerosa, flaca, fea, desgreñada,
torpe, tonta, lenta, necia, desquiciada,
completamente descontrolada
tú te das cuenta y no me dices nada
ves que se me ha vuelto
la cabeza un nido
donde solamente tu tienes asilo
y no me escuchas lo que te digo
mira bien lo que vas a hacer conmigo

Happy Easter. For a change, us here celebrated it on the same day as everyone else. And it was cool. I’d have taken some pics, but something weird is happening with my digital camera, it won’t take photos when flash is on and, well, sometimes I need more light. In fact, this is one of those moments in life when I could use a light year of light.

My wonderful friend Fran and I caught up on MSN last night and she mentioned that she could feel a lot of pain in my entries here and on LiveJournal and in plain stupid survey bulletins on MySpace; so she asked me what it was all about and I told her the story I cannot share in public, as I don’t want to sound like some drama blogger girl. I did not realise I sound THAT bitter and hurt, because…I don’t really know what I’m feeling at the moment, what I was feeling yesterday, a week or a month ago. Someone owes me an explanation, I am not sure if I want to hear it, as it will probably turn out everything was a bunch of complete coincidences. And even if it wasn’t, how to live with the thought of being a complete jinx hanging above my head? How? Sure, time is a cure for everything, but this was…specific. I could write. I could write a whole novel about nothing and everything, all at once. A novel where nothing happened and everything happened. I just told you everything and I didn’t tell you anything. How do you fell when your first try in something was a real flop? Do you move on? Keep on trying? Realise you’re not talented for that even though it’s something that’s so easy for everyone else? Do you feel dumb? How dumb?

Want something happier? I have made a new layout for Lush Serbia, go and have a look. I am yet to make it tableless (was a bit lazy, I must admit), sort accessibility issues as I know some people who visit it regularly are blind and also experiment with some other things. But it won’t be getting an 800×600 version this time.

Actually, this isn’t happier either, as the person who hired me got fired and we all loved him, even though he had occasional shortcomings…who doesn’t have them, anyway?

Weird, weird world this is…

Wanted to write this yesterday, but I did not want people to think I’ve gone mad or played a 1st April prank on them.

OK, so…I am angry and disappointed with my friends. There are a couple of honourable exceptions, but everyone else SUCKS, more or less. They have huge egos, their word has to be the last word, they’re all dependent on someone or something and the most of them ignored what happened to my dad last Sunday and don’t think that something else that has been happening recently, something with a very very sad ending from my point of view, was a big deal.

That would be it.

I am serious. I don’t like some aspects of real, or, let’s be more precise, realistic life. This month I had more than a teaspoon of it, perhaps a whole soup spoon and I don’t think I enjoy it. Why? Because it brings me extreme nervouse, a fairly visible amount of anxiety, a strange need to eat more and sleep more and…blah, whatever I’m talking about, it’s not for me. Or, if it is, it was meant to happen sometime else, involving some other people. There was an evening this month I will always remember, as something that has never happened before, but after that day, everything went downhill. No damage was done to me physically, but mentally, I ‘ve been a-bombed. It’s not for your ears, mostly. I might explain my LiveJournal friends what did (not) happen and how DUMB I’m feeling at the moment. Doubt it will change.

On a happier note, the new RHCP video can be found online as it’s unfortunately not being aired here in Europe yet. I soo want a better quality version, as this is jaggedy. So, what you’re about to see is the band in ghetto and, as always, John is adorable. This was recorded in the second half of November 2006, I guess, as his hair was maybe only 1cm longer in Vienna in December (trust me, I was 1 metre away from the man!) and, well, I so did NOT expect him to play dice, jump rope, get a head massage and be slapped in the face by a woman..also, switching roles in the video is priceless.

[youtube]BdH987JJDYs[/youtube]

And check the comments on that video on YouTube, someone asked if that was Justin Timberlake playing guitar. Errrm, no way, Justin is not that charming, definitely not that emotional either and I doubt he could ever pull out REAL falsetto. Sorry to all you bubblegum-pop fans, but John Frusciante is two thousand light years away in front of Justin Timberlake.

There will be a little server move occuring here one of these days. Yes, again. And, before I was notified about this, I went on to check what’s up with my hostees and realised that a couple of them have moved or closed and that a guy who has not talked to me in more than a year is using the webspace that used to belong to his website as image hosting space. How charming, how very freakin’ charming. So, on this note I would like to thank people who did tell me they were leaving and to thank Marie, Felicia and Vera for being amazing hostees. Wherever I go, I’ll bring the three of you along with myself! And hosting shall be closed for everyone else, I believe.

Spring has arrived today, too. Today at 1 in the morning. For the last time on 21st March in Europe. Next year 21st March will be the second day of springs, but who knows where we’ll all be in 366 days time?