Facebook quizzes for “hot and bothered” girls and “chicas”

Written on January 25th, 2008 at 19:18:56 CET

In my previous post, I said that I prefer Facebook to MySpace. However, just like I said, there are good sides to MySpace…

…and bad sides to Facebook. Like, really bad. And I saw it coming. A couple of months ago, I sat down to read a bunch of articles on the site’s history from ’round the blogosphere and, having learned how the applications system works, my first thought was: Shit, internet advertisers, horrible typers and “modern women” stereotype are going to mess it up, it’s just the matter of time!

Of course, I was right. And this is not going to be nice. Seriously, if you can’t stand it, go to Disney and enjoy virtual preps who, among others, made the women the mediocre figures so many of them are today - the way-too-sexy cartoon girls such as Jasmine, Hercules chicks and whateverthechicksinothermovieswere. They’re cartoons. I doubt Walt Disney would’ve loved them if he was fortunate to live longer than sixty-three years. Weren’t Aurora, Cinderella and Snow White the true romantic princesses, sacrificing everything for their ideals? At least, their spirit lives through Belle, who would be my favourite; and who’s the best ever because she was an intellectual, the one who cared about her family and the one whose love was not seeing colours, forms, firm principles et cetera.

If you are not afraid of the evil Iva’s view on things, stuff and all that sh1t, do click below.

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Fansites are unoriginal, part #1

Written on December 11th, 2007 at 23:55:06 CET

OK so…this is the first part of my rant regarding fansites/unofficial “celebrity” sites. This was not meant to be offensive, I just visited many, many of them for the purpose of writing this, even some about people whom I had to google further to see who they actually were; and I was surprised to see how manifactured they were. I thought the days of the “me/you/www” pattern were over, but nah: now the clichés have extended to other types of websites.

It all started sometime last year when an owner of a female celebrity website (I don’t even remember for whom) asked me to exchange links with Invisible Movement. I asked them in what way does the subject of their website relate to John Frusciante and/or RHCP and they said that they have no idea, but they’re looking for a website with Google PageRank of 4 to affiliate, so they could improve their own PageRank. That was surely amusing, especially now that I have examined the reportedly elite fansites, with 1000+ hits per day and discovered that none of them has a PageRank higher than 4. During that quest, I noticed how many things all those sites had in common. It was creepy. I thought I’d share the results of what appears to be some sort of a study I did.

Let’s analyse a typical fansite from start to finish and debate it a bit. Ready? Here we go!

The first thing you’ll notice upon entering a fansite, is a huge PNG image as its background. In some cases it could be a huge jpg or a flash file; but seriously, the most of them are huge PNGs. Oops, I was wrong, they are BLENDS…those lil’ things thrown together in Photoshop, saved instead of being exported. I saw one with a censored boob, even. Very artistic.

In some cases, people actually pay someone else to do them “a header” or “coding”. Let’s dive into the coding of a fansite and see what we paid for, shall we?

<body bottomMargin=0 topMargin=0>

<table width="640" border="0" bordercolor="#ffffff" bgcolor="#ffffff" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="10" align="center">
<tr>
<td style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ffffff 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #ffffff 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #ffffff 1px solid;
BORDER-BOTTOM: #ffffff 1px solid">

<table width="625" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="1" height="15" align="center">
<tr>
<td class=box1 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #BA251D 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #BA251D 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #BA251D 1px solid;
BORDER-BOTTOM: #BA251D 0px solid">

<table width="400" border="0" cellpadding="1" align="center">
<tr>

<td width="65"><div align="center"><font size="1"

Know how, huh? Inline css, applied right after the element itself, font size of 1 (1 what?) and it’s quite obvious that people don’t even know what they’re doing. Web standards? I’ll have that with fries, thanks. Nested tables? Hello, 1999!

When you’ve recovered from the initial shock containing of a large image and horrible code (shame on you, you looked into a website’s underpants), take a peek at the domain name. It’s usually someonefan.com, miss-someone.com, ultimate-someone.com, someone-firstletterofsomeoneslastname.com, love-someone.com, oh-someone.com, someonenet.com (note the digresy), someoneweb.net …someone-online.com. Of course, there are also .net and .org domains, but you get the idea. If it is a website (duh), why does it need words like online and web? Of course it’s a website and it’s online.

The introduction texts are the same everywhere. It goes like this:

Welcome to domain.com, your newest/biggest/247 online source^[1] for mr/mrs/miss Someone. Here you’ll find all the information about Someone, plus latest pics and videos.

If you’re lucky, such text won’t be written in font with bizzare dropshadow, of ridiculously small size, having its name begin with 04b or, why not, all three of those. Also, if you have not seen it scroll upside down and claim enormous amount of visitors as if there’s never been any differences between hit counters and visito counters, you have not seen anything.

Why is it “my” online source? If it’s online for everyone to see, why is it “mine”? Seriously.

Why are they 247 online sources? Do websites close at night, perhaps? The appropriate answer would be Of course they don’t, silly me, we all have to know when Someone went to pee and make a scandal of how they were actually leading lives of normal people. Duh.

¹ They can also be “online sources of information” and “ultimate sources”, mind that.

In part two, I will be ranting more. The way I’d started, there might be up to five parts to this series, so look out for it!

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Everything Something.

Written on October 27th, 2007 at 12:34:01 CET

Everything Something. EVERYTHING SOMETHING. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g.

Isn’t it the stupidest and most illogical phrase you have ever read? Well, it’s one of the trend catchphrases in my country. I asked people who the heck came up with that and the answers were:

“Well, damn, where do you live? I believe this phrase has been in use since forever. And come to my place, I have to show you everything something!”

“Hahaha, you really hate slang, don’t you? Now I have to leave you, I have everything something to do.”

“You’re absolutely isolated from everything something around yourself!”

“How dare you to get involved with everything something in my life?

I feel sorry for these people. Especially for the fact that they hear someone say something as remarkably stupid and pointless as this and the next day, twenty more people are talking like that. If the person who blurted it out was famous, the number is more likely to be 2000. Sad. Pathetic.

This was my first mockery entry. I hope you liked it. Now I have to think of the everything something to add to my website.

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