Hedgerigars

The internet has given us many possibilities to, as someone wiser than me would say, twist and bend the fabric of reality. Oops, pardon, he wasn’t talking about the internet, he was talking about the tools of an artist. I’d rather say that the internet, unlike the arts, gives you a chance to bend the laws of nature and, as I once said, just think how easy it is to be God!

So, yesterday, a friend from Montreal who is the author of the shocking photos you’ll see below but whose name will be censored to K** because God and interpol will be after her was typing out an article for me and we came accross something that really shook us. There are many heron addicts in the world. And, we discovered that we’re one of them and, as we all know, the best herons in the world are located at the Heron island. On that note, she decided to send me one, so I could feed my addiction properly.

Unfortunately, when my heron arrived, I was not at home, so my budgerigar, Gigi, noticed that the heron was a female. I can’t tell you what exactly happened next, as it is clearly not for people under 18 years of age, but a couple of weeks after, a total crime against a nature was born: a HEDGERIGAR

So… K** and I are smuggling hedgerigars now, would you like one? They’re good for a bunch of things: you can sniff them and the effect is twice as good as it is with herons, they can be pets, they like children and they lay eggs. Of course, we don’t know what’ll come out of those eggs as of yet, as we need a couple of more hedgerigars and an approval from a bunch of churches, anti-animal cruelty and government organisations in both Canada and Serbia in order to breed them and legalise the incest, as they’ll all eventually be cousins at the beginning; but hey, no risk no fun!

I like being God and a criminal at the same time, I might fill in applications for both jobs.

Spammers are the most creative people on Earth.

This made my day when I woke up and checked my mail. Spammers’ creativity amazes me.

Heathen frog bought a road, like buttered fries!

No, I’m definitely not on drugs. I perfectly know what I wrote. 15th February is a public holiday in this country and, for the following reasons, I declare it invalid:

1. I have no idea what the area of this country is. It’s OK, no one knows.
2. I have no idea what the population of this country is. It’s OK, no one knows.
3. I have no idea how big this country will be in one week. It’s OK, no one knows.

So, therefore I pronounce 15th February to be…the world’s anual misheard lyrics day! And, this was inspired by Mira’s neverending search for mozzarella butterflies.

The first song to research in this action would be Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit. Ever since the days Weird Al Yanković realised that it’s hard to bargle nawdl zouss with all those marbles in my mouth, there have been multiple variations to the theme. Us people from Balkans tend to think that second to last a denial in the song is actually ‘ladim jaja which would literally mean I’m cooling down my balls. However, whoever did this had much more on their mind than just that one harmless misunderstood line:

[flash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-NZWtTJYI]

If you’re up for some evil gnomes, if you want to know why the jelly can’t kick its other father, then…continue reading.

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